Seeking Solace
by DarkToLight
Summary: And with silent words, so our fate is sealed. -RetsuxYumichika- -Pre-Bleach storyline- -T for safety, it probably doesn't even need it-


**If TatsukixUlqui isn't the height of crack in Bleach, this is.**

I'm proud of this story. For once, it worked for me.

Eh, the first part is supposed to emulate what they sometimes do in movies, where they flash between the past and the present? So the bits in italics in the first bit are what led to what happens in the nonitalicised bit. If that makes sense.

The chant and spell for Bakudou 36 was made up. Nemuri was a word that came up on a translator for "sleep" in Japanese. If it's the word I should have used, I don't know. I don't speak Japanese XD

This is set at any time before the main Bleach storyline.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Bleach etc.

Tee hee, I should be at work now.

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* * *

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**Seeking Solace**

_[And with silent words, so our fate is sealed]_

The Infirmary of Division 4 was in chaos.

"_Don't belittle me just because I'm only Fifth Seat," Yumichika growled._

"Clear the area," Retsu insisted. "I don't want anyone crowding. Isane! Get the third and fourth seats, quickly!"

"Yes, Ma'am!"

_Yumichika gripped his sword tightly._

"_Bloom, Fuji Kujaku!" His sword split into four curved blades._

"Stay with us," Retsu murmured, holding her hand over his broken body, the light of the Kidou illuminating him in pale white. "Get Hanatorou, too, his Shikai heals!"

"On it, ma'am!"

_Yumichika leapt at the Hollow, swords out, his face set and determined._

"_I am of Squad 11," he growled. "And we… Never lose!"_

"Ma'am! Third and Fourth seats here!" Her third seat reported. She nodded.

"Assess the extend of the damage. I've stopped the bleeding, but I'm not sure if that will be enough…"

"_Don't you dare lose, Yumichika!" Ikkaku called across at him as the Adjuchas struck out at him, throwing him backwards, his arm bleeding heavily._

"_I don't… Intend to," he panted, struggling to his feet once more._

"Breathing rate stabilised! His heart rate is normal…"

"Hanatorou here, Captain!" The Seventh seat reported faithfully. Retsu nodded.

"Heal as much of his wounds with your Shikai as you can," she instructed, drawing Minuzaki from its sheath.

"_Gah…" Yumichika panted, trying to wipe the blood from his eyes._

"…_This is Eleventh Company Third Seat, Ikkaku Madarame, requesting an advanced healing squad for Eleventh Company Fifth Seat, Yumichika Ayasegawa…"_

"_I won't lose… I won't lose!"_

"He's awake!" The third seat exclaimed, the way he screamed soon proving testament to that.

"Put him to sleep, then, fast!" She ordered. "Don't let him hurt himself any more!"

"Bakudo number one! Sai!" Isane chanted. "The seat of the four moons lights the path for the pale gods of the wolves; the eagles cry to the night of the waters! Bakudo number thirty-six, Nemuri! Restrained, ma'am!"

_Yumichika coughed up blood, his zanpaku-to demanding that he call its real name, end the battle where he stood._

"_No," he whispered. "I would rather die than be laughed out of my company for that." He struggled to his feet. "I won't lose. Even if it takes my life… I will take you down, Hollow!" The Adjuchas roared defiance to the sky._

"Stay with us," Retsu murmured, one hand on the side of the broken Soul Reaper's face. His breathing had steadied now he was sleeping once more, but that did not mean he wasn't at risk. "Place him on a respirator. I want to get these claw shards out of him…"

"_YUMICHIKA!" Ikkaku exclaimed, horrified, as the Hollow's claws buried themselves in his flesh. He choked, but kept his grip on his sword, which was piercing where the Hollow's heart would have been. With a screech, it dissolved into nothing, sublimated by his sword, and he fell to the floor, blessedly unconscious for the moment._

"Vital signs stabilised! Commencing claw removal," Isane told the assembled Soul Reapers as she started to operate. "Hanatarou, I need you here." The young Seventh seat nodded, moving forwards.

"Fools, all of Eleventh are," Retsu remarked, sighing sadly.

* * *

"Is he ok? Will he live?" Ikkaku asked anxiously when she walked out of the theatre.

"He will _live_, yes…" Retsu began, and Ikkaku's face was instantly a mask of worry.

"What's happened?" He asked. "Captain?" She closed her eyes.

"The damage done to him was truly severe…" She murmured. "It is possible… That he will never be able to fight again." Ikkaku shot to his feet.

"Ridiculous!" He exclaimed. "He's _got_ to be able to fight! He's the Fifth Seat!" Retsu gave him a long look, making him back away. "S-sorry, ma'am, I d-didn't mean to cause trouble…" He added meekly.

"I'm sure," she replied kindly. "We will, of course, do all we can to restore him to full fighting capabilities. But you should be aware of the possibility, all the same." Ikkaku bowed.

"Thank you, Captain Unohana, for trying," he told her in a low voice. "And please… Do all you can." He straightened. "I will inform my Captain as to the situation." Retsu nodded.

"Thank you, Ikkaku," she replied with a smile. "You are most helpful." He laughed weakly and left.

"I'll be back, Captain!" He promised, making it sound almost like a threat.

* * *

"Captain," Isane greeted when she walked back into the room where Yumichika was being treated. The steady sound of the ventilator could be heard, the only sound in the room as he slept, unconscious.

"How is he faring?" She asked, sitting by him. Isane looked sceptical.

"Not good," she confessed. "How on earth he managed to stay alive, I don't know. His legs are shot, even if he does have the strength to lift a sword again… It's a loss to the Seireitei."

"If only they didn't fight alone," Retsu sighed. "You are relieved, Isane. I will watch him." Isane seemed surprised, but nodded.

"As you wish, ma'am," she responded. "…I will pray for him to recover." Retsu nodded.

"As will we all," she agreed as Isane left.

* * *

She saw the minute his eyes flickered open.

"Do not try to talk," she cautioned him instantly. "There is a ventilator tube down your throat. It will make it difficult." He moved the fingers of one hand, tried to raise an arm, but she held him down. "Do not try. You have not fully healed yet." Worry was clear in his eyes, even if he was unable to voice it. "Wait. Sleep. A few more days," she soothed, hearing his breathing quicken, fearful of being so helpless, so useless. His fingers clenched together once more, and twice, and he met her gaze, trying to communicate to her what he wanted without words. "You want something?" She asked. His head moved slightly, an attempt to nod. "Something you can grasp?" He nodded again. "What?" He made the grabbing motion again, his eyes moving from side to side to try and spot something; he moved his hand slightly, weakly. "…Your sword?" Retsu guessed. He was in the Eleventh Division, after all. Another of those barest of nods, and she sighed and shook her head. "Not now. You are healing." He made the motion again, despair in his eyes, trying desperately to win her over without words. Speaking to her with his eyes. "It is whole, if that is what concerns you," she tried, but he clenched his fist so hard his knuckles went white, and she sighed and stood. "Very well. You may touch it, nothing more. You are not strong enough to hold it yet." She heard his breathing ease as she turned away, picking up his zanpaku-to from where it sat on a table in the far corner of the room and taking it back over to the bed, where she held it out close to his hand. His fingers brushed the handle, and he closed his eyes, a slight smile forming on his face around the ventilator. He held on to the handle, but let her pull it away after a few seconds, opening his eyes to look at her, speaking without words, thanking her. "Sleep," she told him, casting magic over him, and his eyes closed once more as she replaced his sword.

* * *

They removed the ventilator two days after that, and when he woke, he instantly tried to speak.

"Your throat is too dry," Retsu remarked as his voice cracked and broke, unable to form even the first word of a sentence. "You have been given nourishment intravenously for the past week. You will need to drink before you can even talk." He tried to raise his hand, looking frustrated and angry when his muscles didn't respond fully, making a choked noise of anger. "Very well. I shall fetch you a drink of water," Retsu agreed, knowing what he wanted. He had made his meaning clear enough.

He watched her as she ran some water from the sink on the wall into a plastic cup, let her support his head as he drank, only a little at a time, the barest sips.

"Thank… You," he managed once the water was gone, and she laid his head back down onto the pillow. "For… Before." She laughed softly, placing the cup to one side.

"A patient recovers better if he or she is happy," she remarked. "That made you happy, did it not?" He nodded.

"Tell… Me," he requested, his voice still no more than a whisper. "Will… I… Recover?" A flicker of a frown crossed Retsu's face for barely a second.

"It could go either way, currently," she responded. "Partly, it depends upon your own will to recover. Do you wish to fight again?" He inclined his head once, fists clenched.

"I… _will…_ fight… again," he confirmed. Retsu smiled.

"Good," she replied simply.

* * *

Once he had fully recovered his voice, she allowed Ikkaku in to visit him. The rest of the Division seemed eager to see him too, but she didn't want to risk more than one person at once, especially when one of them was Zaraki, who counted for several people with his exuberance.

"We're all waiting for you to recover and come back," Ikkaku remarked. "The Captain said he was pleased with you, taking down an Adjuchas-level Hollow on your own. That's Lieutenant level power, he said." Yumichika laughed weakly.

"I _had_ that power," he replied. His voice was still quiet, barely more than a whisper, but his sentences flowed now. "Now I can't even move my hands…" He tried to raise his hand, his arm shaking as he did it, to prove his point. It fell back to the bed quickly. "Captain Unohana said she could make me fit to fight again… But I…"

"Where has your will gone?" She remarked, walking forwards. He made a surprised noise, turning his head to look at her. "Your injuries are almost completely healed," she remarked. "Once they have, we will start physiotherapy with you. But remember – it is _you_ who will heal yourself, not us. If the will is not there, you will not heal." Ikkaku slammed one hand down onto the table by his bed.

"You'd better heal!" He demanded. "Else we'll need a new Fifth Seat, and I won't have a fighting buddy!" Yumichika managed an amused noise.

"Wouldn't want to deprive you," he agreed. "Get out of here, Ikkaku. You should be out in the field, not fretting over me." Ikkaku grinned.

"That's the Yumichika I know," he declared. "All right, I'm going. And I'm telling the Captain you'll be coming back, so if you don't, it's all your fault, got it?" Yumichika smiled weakly.

"Got it," he agreed. Ikkaku gave him a thumbs up as he left.

* * *

Retsu stayed by his side for the next few days, casting the occasional Kidou to speed up the healing of his injuries. He never said anything, but she knew that he appreciated the help – that he did not acknowledge it simply meant he was already recovering.

She had him sit up in the bed once his injuries were healed and made him do simple exercises designed to make his damaged muscles work again. Stretching the tendons in his hands, moving his legs slightly, moving his arms – all of it would help. She was secretly concerned for the state of his legs in particular – she wasn't certain they would be up to taking his weight any time soon. She didn't voice these concerns, however. They would not help.

* * *

"He's made good progress," Isane reported to her a week later. "He's regained a good deal of strength in his arms, he'll definitely be able to hold a sword again."

"And his legs?" Retsu asked. Isane grimaced.

"…Progress in that area has not been… As good…" She replied uncertainly. Retsu sighed.

"Give to me plainly, please, Isane. You need not dance around the truth with me," she reminded her. Isane sighed.

"I just don't think it's any good," she admitted. "He's regained some strength, but he can barely stand for a minute at a time without aid. I don't think he'll be walking again, certainly not to the standard needed to fight. He'll be lucky not to need support." Retsu looked through the window, at where Yumichika was sat on his bed, doing finger movements designed to exercise his hands. His face was set, determined, his resolve clear on his face.

"…I will tell him," she decided, and Isane looked instantly relieved.

"Thank you, ma'am," she replied. "I fear… He won't take it well." Retsu sighed, her gaze still on him.

"I fear you may be right," she agreed sadly, walking out of the room.

* * *

"…What?" He asked, his face horror-stricken. "No! No, I can walk!" He insisted. "My legs are fine! No permanent damage, see!" He clambered desperately out of the bed, and Retsu moved forwards to stop him, having to catch him as he fell to the floor. "No, I'm… I'm fine! I'll be fine! You said… the exercises… You said…"

"I said it could go either way," she reminded him softly.

"NO!" He screamed, lashing out angrily; she caught his fist and held him down. "No… No… I can't… Not…" His gaze went to his sword, resting in its scabbard on the table. "Fighting in the division… It's my life… it's all I have… I _have _to fight… Please… Please… Please!" He grabbed her haori, desperation in his eyes. "Please…" He whispered, one final, desperate plea, terror reflected in his eyes. Retsu sighed, laying one hand on the top of his head.

"I will try," she whispered, holding him as he broke down into tears, soothing him as he broke in her arms.

* * *

"Are you sure it's wise, ma'am?" Isane asked, clearly dubious. "At this point I'd have to say the hope is false." Retsu shook her head.

"There is still a chance," she disagreed. "A small one, but a chance nonetheless. We will work twice as hard." She frowned slightly. "Isane, until he is healed, I am charging you with performing the general day-to-day duties of the infirmary. Can you manage that?"

"The... Captain's duties, ma'am?" She queried. Retsu nodded. "I'll… I'll try, ma'am!" She agreed. "Thank you for trusting me with this responsibility!"

"Do it well," Retsu responded, taking a clipboard and a file and going to see Yumichika.

* * *

"Yumichika?" She asked, opening the door. He looked up at her.

"Captain Unohana…" He murmured. She knew he was still determined, but something in his eyes had died. What he did – his fighting, his part in the Eleventh division – was his life. Without it, he was nothing.

"Now then," she remarked briskly, setting down the things she was carrying on the table by his bed. "Let's get to work on those legs of yours, shall we?"

* * *

"Captain Unohana…" Yumichika asked quietly one day, as she put some kind of salve on his legs.

"Yes?" She asked. He seemed uncertain, something he rarely was.

"Why… Why are you giving up so much of your time to help me?" He asked. Retsu sighed softly.

"As much as I may disagree with your reasons… Fighting is your life," she responded. "I understand that. Healing is what I do. If the ability to heal, to help people, was taken from me… I would be devastated. So I can feel a little of what you must be going through now, and I sympathise. I will not let a lack of effort on our part be the reason for your life as you know it ending." Yumichika made a slight noise of amusement, looking away, eyes closed.

"At least I can say I was healed by beauty," he remarked. "My life's philosophy holds true for one thing." Retsu chuckled.

"It is kind of you to say so," she responded. "Let that sit for a few minutes, then wash it off. It should help your wasted muscles regenerate slightly." Yumichika nodded.

"I will," he acknowledged. "And… Thank you, Captain Unohana." She chuckled.

"Please… Call me Retsu," she requested. Yumichika seemed startled.

"…A beautiful name," he remarked. "Very well… Retsu it is."

"Try a few steps," she encouraged. "I will catch you, should you fall." Yumichika nodded, his face set and determined as he slowly placed his feet on the floor of his room, letting go of the side of the bed hesitantly.

"…It doesn't hurt to stand…" He murmured, taking Retsu's hand despite that.

"A good start," she agreed. "Walk with me. Slowly, though, don't try to push yourself." He took a slow step, she moving with him, then another, then another. She made him turn back then, not allowing him to push himself and reverse all the hard work they had both put into his slight recovery.

"…I can walk," he realised. "I can walk!" He hugged Retsu tightly. "Thank you, thank you!" She smiled slightly and returned his embrace.

"This is only the beginning," she reminded him. "It will be at least a month before you are of any fit standard to be discharged." He nodded.

"I understand," he responded. "Just to have the chance back… Is enough. Thank you." He sat back on the bed, taking his zanpaku-to and laying it across his lap, and he seemed more at peace than Retsu had ever seen him.

* * *

She stayed with him for the whole time as he learned how to walk again, supporting him, helping him, healing him. He paid her back with silent words, little gestures, and his own, undisguised joy at his slow but steady healing process. It was to help people like him, she knew, that she had become a healer.

And if his hands lingered on hers just slightly too long, and if he looked at her for no reason other than to appreciate her, she said nothing of it. In truth, it was nice to have someone feel that way about her. And sometimes, she took his hand when she did not need to, and stayed with him when he didn't need it, and he would say nothing then, either.

Their words were never said, but they understood each other, completely and totally.

* * *

She watched him through the glass as he stood in the centre of the room, zanpaku-to in hand, going through the basic rote training movements.

"I can't believe it," Isane admitted softly. "I truly thought he was a lost cause." Retsu smiled slightly.

"You must never give up on someone," she remarked. "Until they are dead, there is always a chance." Isane nodded.

"I will remember that in future, Captain… Thank you," she murmured. Retsu nodded, continuing to watch Yumichika as Isane left. Once her footsteps had faded, she pushed open the door.

He stopped mid swing and sheathed his sword.

"Retsu," he greeted, not needing to look up to know that it was her.

"Yumichika," she returned with a smile. "I have come to tell you that you no longer need to take up space in my Infirmary." He looked up in surprise.

"You are discharging me?" He asked. She nodded.

"You may return to active service," she responded. "Although I would advise you do not do anything strenuous for at least two months. I will accompany you back to the Division and tell your Captain this personally." Yumichika seemed slightly nervous at that, but nodded, walking over to her. He touched her hand, just the briefest contact, but it said everything she needed to know.

That one touch was all the thanks she needed.

* * *

"Two months?" Kenpachi complained. "That's stupid. Why release him if he's not ready for proper service?"

"He is ready for active service, and that is all that will allow him to recover his abilities properly," Retsu disagreed. "He may resume the full duties of his seat in two months. If I see you trying to make him do so before then, you will be _very sorry_. Am I clear?" Kenpachi cleared his throat.

"I suppose so," he agreed grudgingly. "Two months."

"I'll be coming to check up," she threatened.

"I said two months!" Kenpachi protested. Retsu just smiled and walked out.

* * *

"Retsu," Yumichika greeted as she walked into the Headquarters a week later. Ikkaku raised an eyebrow.

"_Captain Unohana_, you mean," he corrected. Retsu smiled slightly.

"I will make an exception for him," she remarked, going over to them. "How are you fairing, Yumichika?" He grimaced.

"As well as can be expected, I suppose," he responded. "I fear I have lost something of the grace I had before, but no matter. It will come." Retsu nodded.

"Do not push yourself," she warned. "Else you will undo all my hard work." He nodded.

"I won't," he promised, and their hands touched for a few seconds, speaking without words.

She saw Ikkaku frown as she walked away.

* * *

"No," she heard someone saying as she approached. "It won't work. You might _think_ it will, but it won't, you hear me? She's a _healer_. You're a _fighter_. Just give it up." She lingered, unwilling to intrude when she was clearly the source of the argument.

"Do you think I will listen to your opinion on this?" Yumichika responded hotly. "She is beautiful. Not just in body, but in soul. Nobody else will appreciate her like I do. We are not so far apart." The other party in the argument laughed aloud.

"Yeah. Right. Just give it up, Yumi. It's not-" Retsu took that opportunity to push the door open, effectively cutting the argument short. A large number of the higher seats of the Eleventh Division were there, none of them on Yumichika's side by the looks of it.

"What on earth is going on?" She asked pleasantly, as if she had not overheard a thing. "I do hope you've not been over-exerting yourself, Yumichika."

"…No ma'am…" He responded in a small voice. She stared down the other Soul Reapers, daring them to argue with her, but eventually they all decided that there were many, many enemies preferable to Retsu Unohana to fight.

"Hmm. And they think I'm 'just a healer'," she remarked with a slight smile once they'd gone. "I do believe I shall have to prove them wrong. Woe betide any of them have to visit my Infirmary in the future." Yumichika looked away, and she turned to him. "You can resume your normal duties now," she informed him.

"…Thank you, ma'am…" He murmured. She frowned.

"…I overheard," she confessed. He looked up with a surprised noise, and she sighed and went over to him, taking his hand. "Thank you. For saying such things about me. Nobody else… Has ever said anything like that." He laughed weakly.

"I only ever tell the truth with regards to beauty," he remarked. "You _are_ beautiful. And wonderful. You saved me. I will never forget that. And I will not listen to their words, either." She felt his hand tighten on hers, more words than he could ever say accompanying that one gesture.

"I'm glad," she responded softly, brushing a hand over the side of his face to push his hair behind his ears. "Don't change, Yumichika."

"I won't, Retsu," he responded, smiling at her. "Stay in touch." Her own smile widened.

"I will," she promised, letting go of his hand. "I wish you the best of luck in your career."

"It's yours, too," he told her as she turned away. "You saved it." She looked back at him.

"As I said. Most of that was you," she reminded him, walking away.

* * *

**A/N - **Your thoughts are appreciated. ^^


End file.
